Why do we do what we do?

Been asking myself that a lot as of late...

I've been racing my bike for about 8 years and relatively recently began going to school...
Now, more than ever, I'm stuck in this limbo where I can answer why I'm going to school but not so much still pretty serious about racing my bike...

Of course we all want to graduate from school, get a good job, get benefits, be able to buy your dream house someday, and when things get stale be able to afford to go on some sort of vacation...

Lets look at bike racing, my situation in particular... Been sick for the past several weeks, granted I'm getting better and can function at a normal level, but still not in a difficult race situation... Frankly, I'm tired of waiting for my body to get back into gear and I really could use some sort of getaway... But I'm a poor bike racer and I spent any money or time I could've put towards a getaway on doctors visits and tests during my spring break last week... To top off these last few magnificent weeks, one of the better paying races of the season was last weekend and of course I was sick and sucked royally... Couldn't even tough out the first stage and had to sit on the sidelines for the rest of the weekend.

So, this brings me to the point that has been weighing heavily on my mind... I have had countless weeks like this every season and have only really had one weekend where I won a race and felt the glory that hides beneath all that suffering. So... Why do I do this? I have countless opportunities if I shift some of my focus to something more rewarding like a reserve unit, national guard, or just a job... I can make money and go on an actual vacation, save a little money for a rainy day, and still enjoy racing as a hobby. I mean shoot, I race like a decent hobbyist anyways, may as well be real about it and live like a hobbyist... I'm turning 26 next month and am always too old for whatever team I apply for, nothings gonna change... I'm not ever gonna make a living racing my bike, just not that good... So, why keep suffering through these tough times when the payout for said suffering is maybe .5% of what I put into cycling? I mean, a company couldn't last a day off those numbers? I've been doing that for 8 years...

Doesn't make sense does it?